Time to Check Your Brakes?

My little blue Subaru always feels a little sluggish during acceleration (compared to other 4 cylinder vehicles I have owned). I was clicking through some diagnostic thought processes when I asked myself about the parking brake. Now, you might think I would have already determined the status of the parking brake when I purchased the vehicle. I didn’t. When I bought the vehicle a couple of months ago I was more concerned with the front and rear brakes. When a vehicle has over 150 thousand miles on it you tend to be concerned about a lot of things. Parking brakes aren’t one of them.

Whether you travel in trains, planes or automobiles, your life depends on brakes. Brakes allow control. Brakes allow maneuverability. Most of all, they allow you to safely stop, then resume forward motion. They allow you to benefit from the velocity achieved through some engine of propulsion without being splattered against hard surfaces. But like practically everything in life, brakes can be misused, abused, and fail.

So, how are your brakes?  The question is applicable to individuals. It’s equally applicable to organizations. We all need brakes. We all need some mechanism or mechanisms built into our lives or corporate processes that allow control and maneuverability. Sometimes we need to apply those brakes so that we can change direction. Sometimes we need to slow down so that we can negotiate a sharp corner. Once in a while we need to come to a full or emergency stop. Then we let off the brakes, give “it” (whatever “it” is) the gas, and accelerate on our way to our chosen destination.

I have a number of braking systems built into my life. My faith, my wife, my friends, my conscience and my memories are just a few. Conversely, the same items are also my methods of propulsion. Funny how that works. Organizations usually have different mechanisms. They tend to rely on steering committees, profit, available capital, legal issues, planning, or an executive board. All of these systems whether personal or organizational can be a great benefit. But some words of caution are in order.

If you misuse those people, processes or things that comprise your braking system, they will wear out. At some point they will fail. If your brakes are not engineered properly for the size and type of the vehicle you are operating and the speed at which you want to operate, they will fail. You won’t be able to stop, maneuver, or control your forward progress. Neither will you be able to accelerate to or sustain, the speed you wish to travel at. The same goes for individuals and organizations. When is the last time you checked the brakes? Have you done any maintenance lately? Do you need to add some extra braking power? Are you aware that you might need to break some habits about braking?  Have you recently thought through the checks and balances that help move you progress in a forward direction and yet make sure you won’t crash?

The little blue Subaru works a little better now. I found that the parking brake was on just enough to impede the car’s rate of acceleration. That’s the good news. The bad news, the brake is now worn. The engine is probably worn a bit more than it should be even for the miles it has on it. What is done is done.  But in the future? I’m definitely going to pay more attention to the brakes.
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Joseph Crockett (copyright July 20, 2010. All rights reserved)

A Passing Storm

Wind bends back the tips of trees like fingers combed through heads of hair,

Rain drips from the sky in stops and starts ‘tween the windy push and pulls of air,

Bluish bruises of an electric battle, emanate opaquely from behind the clouds, then quickly disappear with a rattled bang,

The wind & rain & noisy battles reach a brooding uneasy concord. The muted roars blend with steady rains,

The air is cleansed, the ground sips its drink, then it dawns on us that we’ve been pulled back from the stormy brink.

- Joe Crockett

An Old Blue Subaru

I had fun this weekend.  My wife and I did a lot of wandering around.  We like to wander.  We enjoy long drives where we just point the car in a direction and follow the radiator grille.  Those types of road trips were a major component in our courtship.  It is amazing how much easier it is to talk deeply when family aren’t busting in on your conversation or invading your privacy.
We bought ourselves a little 1996 Subaru wagon a couple of weeks ago.  That’s what we are wandering around in.  The impetus for this purchase was that we have to turn in our Buick Rendezvous at the end of the month and without a job I am no position to lease again.  A used car allows us to stop making payments and drop our insurance costs for a little while.  I have leased for 12 years straight.  A Chevrolet, a couple of Pontiacs and a Buick.  My favorite out of the bunch was our Maple Red Aztek.  It is so much easier to get and keep a job when you have something dependable to rely on.  For us, that was the main point of leasing. 
This little station wagon we bought is pretty neat (but it doesn’t look neat being a 14 year old Michigan car).  The exterior is rough and the interior is worn.  It has a lot of miles on it.  But is very usable.  It’s kind of meant to wander in.  I don’t worry if I am going to get a scratch in it that has to be fixed before turning it in.  Or if the upholstery needs some extra detailing in order to avoid a post-lease cleanup charge.  We can just toss an easel, some books, a cooler and whatever, into the back and see where the day takes us.  It’s relaxing.  It’s spontaneous.  It’s fun.
Long term unemployment is very disruptive.  You find yourself making changes and decisions that you normally would not.  You often find yourself at the mercy of situations that you wish very much to avoid.  But sometimes change is good.  Sometimes “disruptive” shakes up your perspective.  We don’t know the future.  We aren’t even sure about the next 3 or 4 months.  But our little wagon, our wandering around, and our sense of enjoyment about those two things were unlooked for and welcome.  Who knows where we will wander next.  If you look out the window one day and see an old blue Subaru station wagon drive by, wave!  It might just be us.

Counting My Days

I turned 49 today. 

It’s 49 years longer than my birth mother was expected to live.  I was troublesome even at day one.
43 years ago my birth mother died.
Approximately 39 years ago my new parents, the ones who loved me and my sibling enough to allow us to invade their lives and subject them to joys, pains and vagaries of raising an 11 year old and 9 year old, adopted us.  For them it was like going from 0 to 60 in the time it took to sign the adoption papers.
Today I have been married 24 years, 10 months and 19 days.  That is 24 years, 10 months and 19 days longer than I expected to be married.  I still can’t believe that she said “yes”. I often ask myself why anyone would say “yes”.
Today I have lived 6 years and 1 month longer than I had a right to.  God is gracious to me.  Kind and merciful. His mercies are everlasting.
Today my wife and I have owned our first house for 5 years, 9 months, 19 days after waiting 19 years.  I pray we will get to own the house until it is time to move to another.
Today I have been jobless for 10 months and 25 days. 

Today is important.  Well, to me it’s important.  There is not one day in a life that isn’t important.  Count your days.  Sure, the number will keep going up but so will the experiences, the opportunities to serve, the magic moments when you are used to bring good things into other’s lives.  And yes there is another number that goes up.  It’s the number of events you wish you could erase.  It’s the number of moments that you wish you could go back, rewind, and redo.  The number of words that you wish did not leave scars and bruises on your heart and mind or that you left on someone else’s.
You have to face up to those days, those hours and those moments.  You can’t escape them.  They are your days and your moments and your life.  Live them with intent.  Live them with purpose.  Live them to love.  Count your days.

I think I want to play

I think I want to play,
a day or two,
where earth is girdled round in heat,
and sun,
and daily rains,
and the cold really isn’t the daily rule.

Or better yet on heaven’s plain,
where the fiery,
wild heat,
of God’s love,
gently warms us through and through,
and cold hearts and ill winds,
will never be allowed to rule.

The Season Turns

The season turns,
the light seems brittle,
clouds scud by,
intense white with darker middles.

Barish trees with brilliant leaves
speak to children in falling rhyme
and windy riddles.

While in muddy fields,
old corn stalks scritch and whisper
like sighing men on untuned fiddles.

The season turns

The season turns

(copyright 2009 Joe Crockett)

The Words Don’t Want to Come

The words don’t want to come. The words and ideas I have been longing to write and express, just don’t want to come. It’s a struggle to say anything to myself or others that’s worth the effort. Since I left college I have been stalked, hounded and wooed by the desire to write. Sometimes things I wrote when in high school and college would lift me from the background noise for a little while. It brought to my ears and soul untainted words of praise. Some of those said things, put a spin and movement to my life that remains to this day. Poetry, essays, speeches. Some of the best uplifts in my life came from those times when the pressure and heat of life would press out unsuspected words and ideas from within. All those years pining for the time to try again. I have that time. Even though I have that time, drawing out those ideas and words is like drawing a bucket of sand from a well that you were sure had good water. Maybe, just maybe, I need to dig into that well a little deeper. Perhaps I need to clean the debris from that well. Perhaps I need a new bucket to draw the words up with. One thing is for sure. I’m thirsty.